remember that one time you called your teacher mom
once my uncle flipped backwards off a swing and hit his head so hard he lost his sense of smell
once my uncle got drunk while he was in the army in germany and got a pink, flying unicorn tattooed across his entire upper arm
once my uncle skateboarded around the top of a water tower then got in it and swam around
what i’m trying to say is don’t be like my uncle
if you play an instrument youre automatically 10x hotter im sorry thats just how the world works
how the fuck do you play the mayonnaise
ask Patrick Star
(Source: pekoyarna)
im not even a 2nd choice im like an 8th choice sometimes a 10th
Remember the 10th choice for the Doctor was David Tennant and everybody loves him
that made me smile :)
i fell in love with him like ketchup falls out of a bottle: slowly, and then all at once.
oh my god you managed to one up john green.
INTELLIGENCE IS NOT MEASURED IN YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF MATH
(Source: apainforpayne)
A
B
C
the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours
D
E
F
the longest ever penis recorded by scientists was 13.5 inches long
if i was in a fictional universe i wouldn’t be the main character i’d probably be that friend of the main character who lacks supernatural powers or special abilities but makes up for it with sarcasm and really lame one-liners
